Monday, August 13, 2007

PostSecret

I've been a reader and fan of the PostSecret project for a little over a year, now. And now, Frank, the author of the site, has put together a mini-movie. If you're not a regular fan of the site already, this movie will make you want to be. Do yourself a favor, and watch this:



PostSecret Website

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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Happy 3rd Birthday, Doobs!

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At 1:05am, my baby officially turned three years old. Three years ago, she was born very quickly after a long, slow, labor. She was 6lbs 2oz and incredibly perfect. In the first few days that she was on this earth, the only noises that she made were these tiny, pitiful little squeaks. Those tiny little noises earned her the nickname "Sqeaker".




Now, my "squeaker" is quite a "Squawker". She's got a HUGE personality that packs a giant punch from her tiny little body. At just 25 pounds, Deborah weighs at 3 what Gabby weighed at a year. But she makes up for her size with her personality. And it scares me how much she is like me - I think that I could be in big trouble a little later...


The years have gone by so quickly. Yet so incredibly slow.



But on Saturday, when we took her crib down and suprised her with her big-girl bed, it struck me just how grown up she has become over the last year. She was incredibly excited, and has proven that she was ready for the responsibility of bed freedom; she has slept perfectly over the last few nights. It's as if she's biting her thumb at me and my bed paranoias, and saying, "HAH! And you DOUBTED me!" I admit, I was obviously wrong to be so worried - she's earned her bed...

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And this morning, as if to announce to the world that she is now OFFICIALLY three, she woke up, got out of bed, and came downstairs by herself for the first time EVER. We have always had to go upstairs to get her - even over the last few days when she was in her new bed. But not this morning. A little symbolic, I guess.

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So tonight we will be having a dinner by Deborah's request - Macaroni & Cheese and Cheeseburgers - and some birthday cupcakes. And I'll remember again the night that she entered my life with her huge, wide, newborn eyes, and her beautiful face. I'll remember the snuggling with her when we used to co-sleep, and the nights I fell asleep next to her while she breastfed. And the giggles and tears thats she shared with me over the last few years. And I'll look forward to the future - starting preschool next month, learning more about the world, and making new friends.



Here's to an amzing, perfect three years, and to the rest of your life.

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Thursday, August 02, 2007

In My Back Yard


I've crossed that bridge thousands of times. Thousands. It used to be part of my daily commute. On my way to Twins games and Vikings games. On my way to the hospital to deliver my babies. On my way to visit family and friends. On my way to the mall.

And today, all I can do is thank God that me, and every member of my family is accounted for this morning. You see disasters like this and you think, "wow, thank God that doesn't happen here." Only it does. Today it happened in my own back yard.


As far as I can tell, we've been lucky. Only 4 confirmed dead this morning, down from 7 last night. But there are 20-30 more missing. It could have been much worse. MUCH worse. The bridge was down to one lane, under construction for resurfacing. Had the bridge been open as it usually is, there would have been 4 lanes of stopped, rush hour traffic heading in each direction. So, instead of 8 packed lanes of cars, trucks, and buses, there were 2. Thank God for small blessings.

Hubby's best friend works as a process server. He drives 10 hours a day. He crossed that bridge just 15 minutes before it collapsed. He called us soon after we heard that it had collapsed to say that he's never going over a bridge under construction again. He said that when he was driving over it, there were large patches of the bridge missing where you could look straight down into the water. While that's freaky, the experts keep telling us that had nothing to do with the collapse. We'll see how that turns out in the end, but I'm going to have to agree with the best friend for a while - I'll contain my trips over bridges to those that are fully intact.

I'm sending out thoughts and prayers to those who died, and to those who are still missing, and to their families. And I say thank you to all of those who risked their own lives to rescue and help others. And today, I'll count those small blessings that I usually take for granted. Because when something like this strikes so close to home, it's impossible to do otherwise.

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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

A Chapter Over

Last night when I got home after another long day at work, I went upstairs to the girls' rooms, as I usually do when I get home, to look at the sleeping. It's become a nightly ritual for me lately, as I rarely make it home from work before 10pm, and the girls are always asleep. Yesterday was a particularly hard day, made worse by the fact that my body seems to have begun to shut down from lack of sleep and good meals. By 8pm, my eyes began to blur, and my eyes went on strike and tried to close permanently. I managed to make it to 10:00, and by the time I got home at almost 11, I felt like I was suffering from a sleep hangover - only the misery was from a lack of sleep, rather than an overabundance. So, I trudged up the stairs in the dark, silent house, prepared to turn off tv's, and cover my girls with the blankets that they so often dump off the sides of their beds in their sleep. I went in to the twins' room, noticed with disgust the fact that their room had not been picked up at all, turned off the TV and DVD player which was stuck on the main menu, and stepped over the discarded toys to kiss my girls.

I bent over to pick up Gabby's sheet from the floor, covered her up, and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. Then, I went over to Belle, pulled her bedspread up over her, and kissed the back of her head. I shoved some toys to the side to make a path in case they had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then, I headed to Deborah's room to watch her sleep.

I opened Deborah's door as quietly as possible, and realized that the mess was not contained to just the twins' room. I ignored it and tiptoed over to her crib. Usually she is sprawled out in her crib, all askew, with baby dolls and blankets bunched up, pushed aside, or twisted around her legs. But tonight I saw one eye open lazily, and then the other. She was half sleeping still, but noticed that I was there.

"Hi Mommy", she drawled sleepily, and reached up toward me.

"Hi Baby. Mommy just came in to see you and kiss you goodnight." I reached down to hug her and she grabbed on to me so I was forced to pick her up.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, Sweetheart." And with that she closed her eyes, snuggled into my arms and neck even closer, and fell back asleep. I stood there and swayed back and forth, enjoying the smell of her, and the feel of her tiny, warm hands around my neck. I stood there until I felt her breathing become deep and regular, and then put her back down on the mattress. When I let go of her, she half-woke again, and grabbed her baby doll as I covered her up with her sheet and blanket.

"Goodnight, Momma."

"Goodnight, Baby. I'll see you in the morning."

And she rolled over and fell back asleep.

I know she's about to be three, and her babyhood is almost over. But I am going to absorb as much of it as I can before she becomes too big and too independent to be babied. In the meantime, I am mourning the end of a chapter in my life and in hers. I'm sorry that I've missed so much of the plot lately, while I've been away at work. One day things have got to get easier, and more settled. I hope that the next chapter is as wonderful and as sweet as this one has been, and I promise to have more appearances in it.

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