2 Weeks Later...

2 weeks... so much for keeping this rant updated on a daily basis. Life took a big ol' bite and I was in it. It chewed me up and I traveled down it's big long neck and spent a couple of weeks in its stomach trying to avoid digestion, or something like it. When I finally gave in and allowed myself to travel through the rest of the system, life up and pooped me out. So here I am.

I know, not a very tasty way to think of things, but it's the best way that I can think of to describe it.

I spent the last 7 days on the South Beach diet. Everyone talks about how easy it is to follow. Don't ever let anyone tell you that it's easy to diet. I don't care WHAT the diet is. The concept is easy. But spend two weeks eating practically nothing but meat and veggies. Man, I have never been to the grocery store so many times in one week-- we went through romaine like it was water. And I may as well grow my own little herb garden for as many of those types of things as you need to have to make the recipies on the diet plan. Hubby is doing the diet with me. I spent an hour every evening getting breakfast, snacks, lunches and dinners ready for the next day. Add that little task into my evening already full enough to not allow me to hit the sheets until after 11 or 12, and I may as well stay up all night. Can you see my eyes rolling? All the way into the back of head from the exhaustion!

Anyway, I spent all week trying to get hubby to stay on the diet. I encouraged him, lectured him about choices, answered his never-ending Q's about what to eat and not to eat... listened to him bitch. So who fell off the diet wagon? me. At 5:43pm on Sunday, January 23, 2005, I ate a Burger King Chicken Whopper with fries and a Dr. Pepper. And I don't drink caffeine-- haven't since about 3 months before my wedding almost 3 years ago. But damn, that Dr. Pepper tasted good! So I expected hubby to decide to fall off with me. Guess what. He wanted his lunch and snacks and breakfast for day 8 made so he could take them to work today. So AFTER I fell into bed at around 12:30am last night, I contemplated how I could justify the roll off the wagon and just why I wasn't feeling any guilt. Pretty sad if you ask me. So here's what I came up with:

1. My 5 month old, who is still breastfeeding, is not sleeping well, and hasn't really for the last week. It must, therefore, be the change in foods. Therefore, I must return to my regular diet of junk and candy.
2. I decided to quit the diet to test hubby. It was a good way to test his resolve and make him realize how much he wanted to do it for himself-- not just for me. Therefore, I must eat my regular diet of junk and candy in front of him to strengthen his resolve. HA! Great reason!
3. I can easily return to the diet in a few months when there is not as much to do, and not so much stress in my life. By then, hubby will be staying home with the kids and will be keeping the house clean and helping out with food prep, so I won't stay up so late having to make food after all the other chores are done. Ignore the fact that there will never be less to do-- only more, and that there won't be less stress. EVER. Oh, and hubby keeping the house clean? Hmmm, and did I forget that I will be home alone at night with all three munchkids? And I was gonna make that food when?

But no matter what, I am sticking to my story...er... reasons. I mean, the baby has been sleeping so horribly that I am so incredibly tired that I don't know what to do with myself. So maybe one of my reasons will prove to have some foundation. Maybe.

Have I mentioned that hubby is running for public office in 2006? No? Well, now you know. Not like we don't have enough going on and enough stress and stuff in our lives. Now add to it the grueling schedule of running for public office. As a family. Oh, and did I mention that I am the capaign's treasurer? No? Well, now you know. I sign all the campaign's checks. And keep the reports. And file all necessary paperwork so that we don't get thrown in jail for incorrect public accounting practices or something like that. Oh, and did I mention that in addition to that, hubby has me doing pretty much everything else for his campaign? No? Well, now you know. So I am in charge of making his letterhead, volunteer sign up sheets, being his speech coach, editing speeches, etc. Oh, and did I mention that I will have to be the perfect candidate's wife and somehow control our children and make them look like angels whenever we are in the public's eye? No? Well, now you know. I just have one thing to say about that. I'm going to be the perfectly fat candidate's wife. And if anyone has a problem with that, I will go through all of my reasons for them one more time...

So yesterday, I determined that I am not the perfect mother that I always thought that I would be. You know how before you have kids, you are always saying things like, "My kids are never gonna be like that. they'll be well behaved and I will instill discipline into them" and "I can't believe how that mother talks to her children. You'll never catch me yelling at my kids in a store and pleading with them to behave" and "my kids will never be so dirty-- I'll always keep them clean, especially in public". Ummm, yeah. So last night, after thinking about how to justify my lack of guilt on quitting the diet, I thought about my mothering skills. See, yesterday all three of my kids were screaming crying at the top of their lungs because the twins did not want to leave their grandparent's and the baby was screaming for whatever reason she might have (I swear it's that damned diet!) and we were trying to get their coats and shoes on so we could get out of there. I started getting crabby and very short and looked at my brother-in-law and said, "It's days like these when I wish that I wasn't a mother. That I could take all three kids and shove them back up to where they came from and leave them there." My BIL laughed. I didn't. My father-in-law then proceeded to tell me that as you watch all of their past family videos and moveis you see my mother-in-law always is happy and smiling while taking care of the kids. By the way, there are 5 of them and they're all close in age. But anyway, MIL never seemed to lose her cool with the babies and toddlers and stuff all running around and crying. But once they were old enough to become independant beings, she had no clue what to do with them or how to be a mother. Which is entirely true. It's just interesting to heat my FIL tell me that. I told him that I am the opposite. Forgive me if I have lost you, I swear it all comes together right here: I don't have the patience or camlness to deal with three very young children. I start losing it and end up yelling at anyone who dares come near me, eve if they are trying to help. But, on the other hand, I think that I am going to be a GREAT mom once they are older and can communicate with me effectively, and deal with issues around school and friends and stuff. It may have all been different if we didn't start with two at a time, I think. And adding in a third a little more than a year later may not have been a great idea. But I know better for the future. I want more kids. I swear, I do. I never thought that it was possible that I would want more than 2 kids, but I want a caboodle of them. But this time around, we will be waiting at least until the twins are in full-time school before we think at all about conceiving number 4.

To get away from it all for a while, we managed to get rid of all three kids on Saturday night. The twins went to stay with their grandparents for the night, and my mom took the baby for the night. So hubby and I decided to go out to dinner and a movie. It was so nice to just be out without any kids. Especially the baby. She comes with me everywhere except work since I nurse her. So anyway, hubby and I went to TGI Friday's (to eat from the Atkins menu, of course) and then to see Phantom of the Opera. It was so good-- much better than I expected!! And probably the first movie I have seen in almost a year. It satiated my cravings to go see another great musical on stage for a while since we can't really afford it. It was almost exactly like the stage version, but with more detail. Then, we went home, cleaned up the house a bit (well, hubby cleaned while I pumped white gold from my breasts...ha!) and then we went to bed. I slept oh so luxuriously late on Sunday morning. It's probably been 9 months or so since I have been able to sleep in past 7:30 on a weekend. I didn't get up until 10:30! YAY! Then I spent the day cleaning the carpet and rearranging the bedroom. It's ncie to have a nice, clean room again. Then of course, I had to pick up the munchkids and it all went crazy from there. Thank God the girls went down easliy because they were so incredibly tired last night. Now, if only the baby would have let me get more than a couple hourse sleep last night... *sigh*