Giving Back

Tuesday, I was one miserable mommy. I was sick to my stomach, and wanted nothing more than to sleep my miserableness away and forget I existed for just a little while. I couldn't leave work early because we only have one working vehicle at the moment... the car is sickly and we can't afford to fix it. So, I was responsible for picking daddy up from work at the end of the day, and then we could go pick the girls up together. This would have normally made for a very nice night - one where we could spend a lot of time together. But I was so miserable sick, that once I got the girls settled, and dinner on the table, I left daddy with instructions to give the girls a bath and make sure they got to bed on time. Then, I went and layed in bed. The girls would have nothing to do with the fact that daddy was giving them a bath, and that I wasn't playing with them. So I explained that mommy was sick; mommy wasn't feeling well and needed to lay down. But that if they would just allow daddy to give them a bath, they could come lay in bed with me afterwards and watch the Playtime video before heading off to bed. This placated them enough that they went off to the tub without much complaint.

While they were in the tub, I gloriously fell asleep. But I was rudely awakened by one very incessant knock at the door and Deborah yelling, "MOMMMY! MOOOOOMMMMY! LET ME IN!" One of the other girls opened the door and suddenly, I had three little girls cudding up in my bed with me. Belle was on my left side, Deborah was cuddled up on my right, as close to me as she could get without literally crawling inside of my body, and Gabby was on the other side of Deborah. The video began to play and the twins lost themselves in the songs and movement of the TV.

But Deborah, she wanted to take care of me. "Mommy, you sick?"

"Yes, honey, mommy's sick. Mommy just wants to sleep so she can feel better tomorrow so we can all play together."

"I make you feel better, Mommy." And with that, she snuggled in closer, her face inches from my face, and laid her tiny, soft, warm hand on my cheek. Then, she began to rub my face in that gentle, loving way that I do to her when she is tired, or hurt, or sick. She pushed the stray hair from my eyes, and leaned in to kiss my nose, and then my forehead. And, miserable as I was, I knew true happiness in that very moment. It's those moments, when our children give back to us, in ways that we never believe are possible, that we know why God blessed us with children. If I didn't have any, and lived life without experiencing that very moment, I would have missed out on so much joy.

It's all worth it. When we think that we just cannot possibly give any more of ourselves without breaking down, and giving up; when we have put so much into providing for our families, and restrained ourself so valiantly in the face of three simultaneous kicking, screaming, tantrums-- it's these moments of giving back that ground us, and make us KNOW that we would do it all over again without a second thought.

25 minutes later, as the tape ended, all three girls said, "Goodnight, Mommy, I love you", and I had gotten loves from all of them (except for Belle who didn't want to hug me or kiss me in case my sickness spread to her-- have I taught her that well??), they all climbed the stairs with daddy to snuggle in their beds. And I went back to sleep again, to rid myself of my miserableness. Only this time, I fell asleep with a tear of happiness hanging form my lashes, and a smile on my face.

The giving back - it makes it all worth it.