A Chapter Over

Last night when I got home after another long day at work, I went upstairs to the girls' rooms, as I usually do when I get home, to look at the sleeping. It's become a nightly ritual for me lately, as I rarely make it home from work before 10pm, and the girls are always asleep. Yesterday was a particularly hard day, made worse by the fact that my body seems to have begun to shut down from lack of sleep and good meals. By 8pm, my eyes began to blur, and my eyes went on strike and tried to close permanently. I managed to make it to 10:00, and by the time I got home at almost 11, I felt like I was suffering from a sleep hangover - only the misery was from a lack of sleep, rather than an overabundance. So, I trudged up the stairs in the dark, silent house, prepared to turn off tv's, and cover my girls with the blankets that they so often dump off the sides of their beds in their sleep. I went in to the twins' room, noticed with disgust the fact that their room had not been picked up at all, turned off the TV and DVD player which was stuck on the main menu, and stepped over the discarded toys to kiss my girls.

I bent over to pick up Gabby's sheet from the floor, covered her up, and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. Then, I went over to Belle, pulled her bedspread up over her, and kissed the back of her head. I shoved some toys to the side to make a path in case they had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then, I headed to Deborah's room to watch her sleep.

I opened Deborah's door as quietly as possible, and realized that the mess was not contained to just the twins' room. I ignored it and tiptoed over to her crib. Usually she is sprawled out in her crib, all askew, with baby dolls and blankets bunched up, pushed aside, or twisted around her legs. But tonight I saw one eye open lazily, and then the other. She was half sleeping still, but noticed that I was there.

"Hi Mommy", she drawled sleepily, and reached up toward me.

"Hi Baby. Mommy just came in to see you and kiss you goodnight." I reached down to hug her and she grabbed on to me so I was forced to pick her up.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, Sweetheart." And with that she closed her eyes, snuggled into my arms and neck even closer, and fell back asleep. I stood there and swayed back and forth, enjoying the smell of her, and the feel of her tiny, warm hands around my neck. I stood there until I felt her breathing become deep and regular, and then put her back down on the mattress. When I let go of her, she half-woke again, and grabbed her baby doll as I covered her up with her sheet and blanket.

"Goodnight, Momma."

"Goodnight, Baby. I'll see you in the morning."

And she rolled over and fell back asleep.

I know she's about to be three, and her babyhood is almost over. But I am going to absorb as much of it as I can before she becomes too big and too independent to be babied. In the meantime, I am mourning the end of a chapter in my life and in hers. I'm sorry that I've missed so much of the plot lately, while I've been away at work. One day things have got to get easier, and more settled. I hope that the next chapter is as wonderful and as sweet as this one has been, and I promise to have more appearances in it.