Thursday, March 29, 2007

Parental Paranoia

Recently someone posted a debate on a website that I frequent regarding the paranoia of parents. If you would like to read the article, click here. Reading this article really gave me something to think about, and allowed me to examine my own parental paranoia.

I have always been very careful about making sure that my kids are under supervision at all times when they are outside. Now, granted, they are still all under the age of 4, so I think I am simply practicing good parenting. But I have always looked at those kids who roam around the neighborhood unsupervised as delinquents, and at their parents as lazy, bad parents. I have always said that my kids won't be roaming around without me until at least high school. But our desire to live somewhere where our children would be safe, and could roam around outside on their own is the EXACT reason that Rick and I moved to a small town, and far away from the city.

So, I'm thankful that someone posted that article. I think we are too paranoid, and are urged by the media, society, and other parents to be so. I won't be. I will still want to know where my children are at all times, and will exercise reasonable caution, and teach my children to do the same thing. But I will choose to let go of some of the paranoia and allow kids to be kids. I say that we all should challenge ourselves to do the same thing.

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Electronics and Those Pesky Little Logistics

Thanks to a totally erratic and undependable daycare provider, I have missed the last two days of work. Add to that a scheduled couple of days off for surgery, and it was time to call in my mom. Mom to the rescue! First off, let me tell you how much I have missed my mother. I got so excited on Monday night when I realized it was just 24 hours before she would be there, that I almost cried. My girls love her, and having her around is just a major comfort for me; sometimes I almost feel as if I can relax and not be an adult anymore. I can slip back into the responsibilitylessness (yes, I made that up) of childhood. Of course, that's not how it happenes, but it's all mental, I think. I've just been so stressed out and totally overwhelmed, that it's just a relief and so joyous to have my mom around, if only for a couple of days.

Anyway, enough about my desire to be a kid again and not deal with life. So my mom has spent plenty of time with my kids since they were born. I have every confidence in her ability to care for them, and to know their schedule and routine to a point. But now that we live 100 miles from her, and don't see her on a daily or weekly basis, there are a lot of little things that go on from day to day that she is not familiar with. For example, I spent about 45 minutes last night getting all of Gabby's stuff ready for school, and explaining when and where the bus picks her up each day, and what she shoudl wear, etc. It seemed rediculous, but it was necessary so that my mom knew what was going on, and so that I felt confident that my daughter would get to school and home with no issues today. I also let my mom know what was in the fridge and cupboards to make for lunch and snacks, and made sure she knew my work phone number in case she needed to call. What I did leave out, stupidly assuming that it needed no explanation, was instruction on how to use the TVs and DVD players. Doh!

I have received two calls from my mom so far today. Both calls have been quesitons on how to use this electronic device, or which channel this device should be on, etc. Things that we take for advantage... that even our almost-four-year-olds know how to work, are NOT totally self-explanatory. Lesson learned.

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Friday, March 23, 2007

Giving Back

Tuesday, I was one miserable mommy. I was sick to my stomach, and wanted nothing more than to sleep my miserableness away and forget I existed for just a little while. I couldn't leave work early because we only have one working vehicle at the moment... the car is sickly and we can't afford to fix it. So, I was responsible for picking daddy up from work at the end of the day, and then we could go pick the girls up together. This would have normally made for a very nice night - one where we could spend a lot of time together. But I was so miserable sick, that once I got the girls settled, and dinner on the table, I left daddy with instructions to give the girls a bath and make sure they got to bed on time. Then, I went and layed in bed. The girls would have nothing to do with the fact that daddy was giving them a bath, and that I wasn't playing with them. So I explained that mommy was sick; mommy wasn't feeling well and needed to lay down. But that if they would just allow daddy to give them a bath, they could come lay in bed with me afterwards and watch the Playtime video before heading off to bed. This placated them enough that they went off to the tub without much complaint.

While they were in the tub, I gloriously fell asleep. But I was rudely awakened by one very incessant knock at the door and Deborah yelling, "MOMMMY! MOOOOOMMMMY! LET ME IN!" One of the other girls opened the door and suddenly, I had three little girls cudding up in my bed with me. Belle was on my left side, Deborah was cuddled up on my right, as close to me as she could get without literally crawling inside of my body, and Gabby was on the other side of Deborah. The video began to play and the twins lost themselves in the songs and movement of the TV.

But Deborah, she wanted to take care of me. "Mommy, you sick?"

"Yes, honey, mommy's sick. Mommy just wants to sleep so she can feel better tomorrow so we can all play together."

"I make you feel better, Mommy." And with that, she snuggled in closer, her face inches from my face, and laid her tiny, soft, warm hand on my cheek. Then, she began to rub my face in that gentle, loving way that I do to her when she is tired, or hurt, or sick. She pushed the stray hair from my eyes, and leaned in to kiss my nose, and then my forehead. And, miserable as I was, I knew true happiness in that very moment. It's those moments, when our children give back to us, in ways that we never believe are possible, that we know why God blessed us with children. If I didn't have any, and lived life without experiencing that very moment, I would have missed out on so much joy.

It's all worth it. When we think that we just cannot possibly give any more of ourselves without breaking down, and giving up; when we have put so much into providing for our families, and restrained ourself so valiantly in the face of three simultaneous kicking, screaming, tantrums-- it's these moments of giving back that ground us, and make us KNOW that we would do it all over again without a second thought.

25 minutes later, as the tape ended, all three girls said, "Goodnight, Mommy, I love you", and I had gotten loves from all of them (except for Belle who didn't want to hug me or kiss me in case my sickness spread to her-- have I taught her that well??), they all climbed the stairs with daddy to snuggle in their beds. And I went back to sleep again, to rid myself of my miserableness. Only this time, I fell asleep with a tear of happiness hanging form my lashes, and a smile on my face.

The giving back - it makes it all worth it.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Resolutions... or Revolution. You decide.

It's been a long time since I blogged, but last night, while lying in bad after being wakened by Deborah's cries to fetch her the YELLOW blanket - no, not THAT yellow blanket, the YELLOW blanket - I realized that I may be missing out on a unique opportunity to document your childhoods. I stopped taking pictures about a year or so ago, when our digital camera stopped uploarding to our now defunct computer, and when we got to the point where film for the 35mm was a luxury we just couldn't afford any more, let alone processing. So now, it's just special occassions that get pictures, and even then, the pictures usually come from relatives who are kind enough to share their digital pictures with us. So what's left? Nothing but stories that I manage to forget hours after they happen because I am usually too busy or distracted to remember my own name, let alone yours.

So here's to a new resolution. It doesn't matter to me that this resolution is taking place mid-March. I am proclaiming this my new New Year. In the last few days, I have taken a long, hard look at my life, and I don't like what I see. I feel like I am missing my life. Like it is going by in fast forward, and I am watching it whiz by me. I feel as if I am cheating my husband of a good marriage, and I am cheating my kids of a good mother, and a good childhood. I want you girls to look back on your childhood and remember all of the wonderful memories you have - not all of the things you missed out on. So here goes. A resolution. Maybe a revolution to topple my life as I know it, and replace it with a better one. One worth living.

Wish me luck, girls.

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